My son gave me a Mother’s Day card that said: “I love you very much, even if we only talk on the phone for five minutes.”
I’m still not sure if that was a compliment or a hint.
But I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Because that card left me genuinely uncertain about where I stood, and that feeling is more familiar to leaders than most of them will admit.
No One Told Them
One of the things I hear most often from senior leaders I coach is this: “No one ever told me I was doing a good job.”
Not when they were coming up. Not when they stepped into their first leadership role. Not when they navigated something hard and came out the other side.
And here’s the other part: most of them also weren’t told when they were heading in the wrong direction. They were left to figure it out on their own.
That’s a real problem. Not a soft one.
Ambiguity Isn’t Neutral
When people don’t know where they stand, they fill the gap. They assume. They second-guess. They pull back, or they keep doing the wrong thing longer than they should have.
Growing as a leader requires information, clear, specific, honest information about what’s working and what isn’t. Without that, even the most motivated leader is working with an incomplete picture.
Vague praise doesn’t count. “Great job” without context isn’t feedback. What actually moves people forward is specific recognition: what they did, why it mattered, and what it made possible. That kind of feedback shows someone exactly where the bar is.
Modeling What You Want to See
If you want the leaders on your team to lead differently, the behaviors you want from them have to show up in how you lead them.
That means giving feedback, and not just corrective feedback. When people hear specific, consistent recognition of what they’re doing well, they stop guessing. They build confidence in their own judgment. They grow, not because you stepped in and fixed things, but because you helped them see themselves clearly.
The same goes for difficult feedback. A direct, honest conversation about expectations, delivered without judgment and focused on what comes next, can go further than you think. People don’t need to be managed around the truth. They need it delivered with care.
What Gets Skipped
Leaders get busy. Feedback falls to the bottom of the list. There’s always a deadline, a decision, a fire that feels more urgent.
But the cost of skipping it adds up quietly. People stop feeling seen. And when that happens, they pull back in ways that are hard to miss once you notice them.
Feedback isn’t just a nice thing to do. It’s how leaders grow.
The Card, Revisited
After I read that card, I called my son. Turns out he wanted to talk longer.
Message received.
People aren’t always direct about what they need. But when you create the space and have the conversation, the answer is usually right there.
The same is true in leadership. Ask. Acknowledge. Be specific. Be honest. The leaders on your team are waiting for that conversation more than you know.
Ready to build a leadership culture where feedback actually works? Let’s talk.
#Leadership #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipDevelopment #Management #Feedback