Leading by example sounds simple until the moment it costs you. Here's how the best leaders stay consistent when the easy choice runs counter to what they preach — and what to do when you catch yourself drifting.
I tell my coaching clients the same thing all the time: turn off your phone at night and on weekends.
I back it up with research. The positive effects of a vacation can last for weeks. Time away lowers stress. Mental health improves. Even short breaks make you more productive when you return. The case is clear. The advice is solid.
And then I landed in Barbados without a phone.
What Actually Happened
The day before I left, my phone died. Not out of battery. Not out of charge. Dead. Black screen. Gone.
I spent the day chatting with my wireless provider, because without a phone, that was my only option. Multiple reps assured me a replacement would arrive by 8pm. It didn’t.
More chats. Apparently it was a FedEx issue. “Please call them,” they said.
I explained, again, that I didn’t have a phone.
That’s where the conversation ended.
It’s Not as Easy as I Make It Sound
So there I was. On vacation. No phone.
And honestly? It was harder than I expected.
There’s the quiet pull that doesn’t go away. What about unanswered emails? What might I be missing? And yes, unsolved Wordles.
I try to live what I teach. But stepping away is not just a practical decision. It’s an emotional one. And sitting with that discomfort, even for someone who talks about it regularly, takes real effort.
What This Means for Leaders
To every executive I’ve confidently told to “just turn it off,” I owe you some empathy.
Stepping away is not simply a matter of putting the phone down. There’s the sense that things might fall apart without you. The habit of always being available. The identity that gets tied up in being the person who responds, who knows what’s going on, who stays on top of it.
None of that disappears just because you’re on a beach.
Detaching isn’t a productivity tactic. It’s an emotional discipline. And like any discipline, it takes practice, especially for leaders whose drive and sense of responsibility don’t come with an off switch.
The goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to build the kind of trust in your team, and in yourself, that makes it possible to actually step back.
That’s worth working on. Not just for your own health, but for how you lead when you return.
Want to work through what real time off looks like for you? Let’s talk.
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